Waiting/40 weeks

Welp, today is Bug's due date, and so far, Bug is still firmly implanted in belly.

I have no real desire to even go out in public any more, since I feel like such a freak show. People stare. I am not kidding.

Today was my last day at work, which felt really weird. I will still be working from home until Bug arrives, but I figured today was a good day to just cut it off. It appears as though many people were amazed that I was still coming to work. I was supposed to "leave early" today and still didn't leave until after 3 (another eight hour day), which is not surprising.

We went to the doctor yesterday and everything is still fine. I'm up to 2cm now, which is a whole cm of progress since last week. So at least we're moving in the right direction. She asked me if I wanted the "aggressive exam" to see if she could "get things going." I said sure, why not. And then almost vomited all over the table. Apparently that is also known as "stripping the membranes." It gave me some pretty good contractions for a little bit, but clearly Bug is still inside me, so hasn't really kick-started a whole lot. I didn't gain any weight in the last week so I celebrated by eating almost an entire bag of sour patch kids.

We go back tomorrow morning for an ultrasound for a size and fluid check. And I have my induction scheduled for next week Tuesday/Wednesday. So if no Bug by 4PM Tuesday, we go to the hospital and they start priming me with the gel (assuming cervix is in same state as yesterday) and then Wednesday morning would start me on the Pitocin. I had to choose between this Wednesday or the following Wednesday and I was all like, "Mama's not waiting a full two weeks" so we went with the 14th. I can't even imagine the size of this thing if I left her in there for an extra two weeks (the extra one week already gives me phantom pains). Oof. Someone at work pointed out/asked the question why they wouldn't just have me come on Wednesday morning, and I had no good answer. "They just want to charge you an additional night in the hospital," she said. She's probably right, but at this point I'm a big huge bucket of DON'T CARE. The whole process is already going to cost us more money than I can even imagine, and I feel like there's not much we can do about it. Plus, I'm desperate for birth. Maybe on #2 I will talk back to the doctor more.

It's really surreal to think that at the longest, I will have a baby by Wednesday. It's still not total reality yet.

I feel like I should be doing more than just be cranky and mope about -- as if there was something I could do that would actually get her out. I've been told to go up and down the stairs, to go for walks, blah blah. I am not convinced these do anything, seeing as how I've done them for the better part of a month with no result. Eating jellybeans sounds much more appealing, although the downtown Target has absolutely ZERO Easter clearance left so I cannot find any sour Starburst ones. It's God's way of telling me to quit.