Readjustment

I'm just so behind in updating it seems overwhelming to try and write something. I know, that's a lame excuse.

So what's happened lately? Bug turned 1... a month ago. That's crazy. She is getting to be so incredibly funny and also frustrating. If I tell her not to do something she will turn and look me straight in the eye and do it again. And again. And then when I pick her up and remove her she kicks her legs and screams. Really?

I've given her a few very stern "NOs" that have completely stopped her in her tracks, but it seems to have just exaggerated the naughtiness when I'm around (versus with Matt). She only seems to purposefully throw food from her high chair when I'm feeding her, even though she knows that if she doesn't stop, meal time is cut off. And yet, she doesn't throw the food when Matt feeds her. Or maybe she does and he just never tells me, or they're just in cahoots together, which is probably the case.

Her favorite activities of late are opening and shutting doors, putting things in bowls (and taking them out, and putting them back in, and out, and in, for HOURS) and playing with water. She's still not walking, although we have found her standing in her crib a few times now, which is big for us (it was previously just on her knees). We'll just whisper about the fact that when she does pull herself up in the crib she cries big fat tears because she can't figure out what to do next.

Umm, what else? We're done with formula. She doesn't like (refuses?) milk out of a cup. We're down to just one bottle at night, and it's only 2 oz. I know I should switch to a sippy cup and get her off the bottle completely before bed but it's hard. It reminds me when I knew I had to get her out of the sling and swaddle, and I was convinced she would never sleep without them, and then I went cold turkey that one night at 2 a.m. and she was fine. I just need to suck it up and give her the cup and let her be mad and then we will all move on. I should probably do it before Matt leaves so I don't have to deal with it alone.

She is an eating monster, although (and as I have read) it isn't consistent. Some days she eats hardly anything and then on Monday night she ate almost an entire box of macaroni and cheese and last night cleared off at least three pieces of Punch pizza. We tried Kix cereal (Matt hates the smell of Cheerios, so it was an attempt at something else) and lo and behold, if you put more than three in your mouth at once, you choke.

She has almost all of her teeth.

We still cannot get her to eat ice cream or anything cold. And I couldn't even get her to hold watermelon in her mouth long enough to be convinced she actually tasted it.

Running is going well -- I ran a 4 mile race on Sunday and PR'd with a 31:10. I was upset because I came in #2 in my age division by a mere 3 seconds. That's lame. But I was impressed with my effort considering I didn't feel the run went well, and I probably could have eaten more food beforehand and felt better (and run faster). I'm still signed up for Grandma's half marathon, but I'm not sure it's going to happen because I have no lodging in Duluth. It would cost less to eat the $85 entrance fee than it would be to try and book a crappy hotel room for $300 (with a mandatory two night stay). I may do the Mississippi 10 Miler in a few weeks and/or the Minneapolis Half Marathon. We'll see.

The elephant in the room continues to be the move. We have had no offers yet on the house and are teetering on the edge of needing to take it off the market and just rent. We had a showing last night and another tonight, and the feedback from last night's showing is that they are interested, so I will just pray to Baby Jesus that something comes through.

Work has had mixed reactions about my announcement. OK, perhaps that's a lie? Everyone seems genuinely excited for me and interested to know more about what Matt will actually be doing. It's hard for me to stay focused right now. But at the same time I'm just trying to ignore all the shit that's going on, telling myself "it's just a few more months."

I haven't really thought through the reality of what it's going to be like when Matt leaves in a month and a half. Like maybe if I don't think about it, it won't be as bad as I imagine it? I do better when it just happens and I deal with it. I toured a day care place earlier this week, since we need to come up with child care for the summer. I liked it. It's just expensive. Child care is obnoxiously expensive. We've also thought about a babysitter/nanny but that's not any cheaper -- it might actually be more expensive after factoring in the gas reimbursement and money to take Bug places. I realize how spoiled we have been with our current day care situation, which is very spoiled.

I am so interested to see what my reaction will be when we move. I know that it will be a big lifestyle change, and I'm not sure why I keep using that damn PC term. We're going to have less money. We're going to be living in a not so fabulous rental that allows month-to-month leasing and small pets (at least while we will be in Virginia). I will not be able to go shopping or perhaps buy as much organic food. I try and tell myself it won't feel like it matters that much because I won't be working in an environment where it is very important what you wear and what you have at home... at least for the short term. But as I drive down the highway, which could be a highway anywhere, surrounded by fancy pretty covetable Audi SUVs I think to myself, self, shut up, who are you kidding.

But then on Monday I stayed home (no day care) with Bug and we played with our new friends and we went to the library and we had a fantastic day and I was so happy and I thought self, who cares.

BUT then I think there is no way I get to stay home in the immediate future, so it may be the suck of both for a while. Whatever. At least the weather will be better.

Instead of running, I have eaten half a bag of pretzels. My lips are raw from all the salt. Only half a bag? Such a quitter.