Peep show

It seems as though I used up all of my good karma last night when my car did not get towed after it was ticketed with an extra fun "immediate tow" message after I idiotically figured it was OK to park on a bridge over the Greenway in Uptown because, you know, "all the other cars were parked there, too."

Because despite being a quite a cough-y and sick cookie, today was day THREE of Bug refusing to nap.

We walked to Target because I couldn't stand listening to her whining or staring at her under-eye bags. We ate a snack before we left, so I figured we'd be good for an hour or so of walking and shopping. And then. AND THEN. She actually starts screaming and crying -- sounding almost newborn-ish -- in the middle of the store. I freeze. She has never done this. She is not having a tantrum, per se, she's just losing her shit. BECAUSE SHE HAS NOT SLEPT IN THREE DAYS.

She wants to eat. OK, we're in the middle of Target, so that's a good thing. The cracker snack did nothing for you, so let's go for something more substantial. I walk to Food Ave, and I order the chicken nuggets (shudder). The cashier looks at me and actually says, "they take seven minutes, go to the deli." As if he's witnessed other screaming children with moms with a slight glaze in their eyes (clouding some of the crazy?) ordering food. So we walk over to the deli and I shudder as I reach into the hot case and try and find the smallest container of fried chicken fingers. Matt would have probably fainted if he saw me. Or else complained about how he was never allowed to buy them.

We pay. We walk back to Food Ave and sit at one of the tables against the wall. She is sitting on my lap and fighting with me as I try and pick off as much of the fried coating as I can. She bites me twice (one was probably accidental). She's trying to grab at the discarded fried pebbles and I'm telling her no and she's getting mad and she grabs at me and I'm thinking to myself, I should really readjust so I don't have a wardrobe malfunction, and I've barely finished this thought when she pulls down my dress and suddenly my left boob is all, "Hey there, Target!"

Sigh.

I cover it back up. I'm pretty sure there was a pre-teen staring at me, but I don't care. I had to text a few friends about it, and the one who also works with me reminded me that AP probably caught it and will be giggling about it for who knows how long. I hope no one I know sees it... and as I'm typing this I am reminded of all the AP videos I was forwarded over the years. Awesome.

We leave, and she promptly falls asleep before we've even walked out of the parking lot. So for the next hour, I wander around the Centennial Lakes area aimlessly. The cute guy handing out free Vitamin Waters was probably the best part, but he and his smile only lasted about 15 seconds.

No nap again this afternoon. Then when we were leaving for dinner she had a coughing attack and barfed all over the driveway. It was terrifying. I was actually thinking to myself, what if she doesn't stop coughing? What if I have to call 911?? And then she calmed down and her face sort of turned a normal color again and it was as if nothing happened. And she was happy as a clam at dinner, and went to bed tonight without two hours of screaming.

I don't care how good of an actress she is, she's still going back to the doctor tomorrow.

Oh, and to continue the stretch of bad karma-ness, we were almost down to only ONE Lulu. We have four of the damn things for over a year, and in the course of five weeks I lose two of them, and leave a third at the restaurant tonight. I seriously need to get back on my game. In the meantime, just to be sure, I ordered two more on Amazon.

Have I mentioned recently how single motherhood is just not for me? I went out last night with some friends and it was fun and weird (to be out) and overwhelming. If I had to battle Bug on a daily basis AND put forth any sort of effort to find a date (I felt like I might have a seizure at the bar - SO MANY PEOPLE. ALCOHOL. PEOPLE. STUPID-LOOKING GIRLS. CUTE BOYS ONLY LOOKING AT THE STUPID-LOOKING GIRLS. ALCOHOL), I might just give up without trying. And imagine if you only had a late babysitter like once a month! You have zero time to try and find someone, but let's say you luck out and do score a date... and he turns out to be a dud! You've squandered your one night out! Your only taste of freedom other than between the hours of 9:30 AM and 11:00 AM (and this is assuming that your child is behaving themselves and actually napping, but then again it probably doesn't even count because finally going to the bathroom by yourself and without risk of your child causing themselves bodily harm is not technically freedom), out of the house, with adults, no less, RUINED! I would be sooooo bitter. And thus alone, forever.