I have written previously about how, after spending over an hour on their application, I never (ever) heard back from Starbucks. I applied twice to the Gap, and was rejected cold both times within 48 hours of submitting the online forms.
Back in May, I applied online (the only way, it seems, for anything now) to The Big T, hoping to be an hourly team member to pick up some extra cash, so I wouldn't have to obsess so much about the grocery store, and force everyone to eat pasta salad 3x a week. I figured I would be more or less a shoe in, seeing as how I had over four years experience at HQ, in Store Operations, no less, working (and optimizing, I might add) almost every aspect of their in-store replenishment processes.
I never heard back from anyone.
I confessed to one of my good friends at home (who happens to be a former co-worker of mine at HQ) about it, and she offered to email the HR manager for me. There was a courteous response on the HR's part, but still no contact.
Fast-forward to a month or so ago. Reeling from that second smack from the Gap, I felt I had hit a new low. I trolled Craigslist at night, and determined that my only choices were to sell an egg or work as a sign spinner:
I guess they aren't as prevalent in the Midwest, but they are everywhere here.
We all know that I won't even do hormonal injections to get pregnant with my OWN child, so the whole egg donation thing was probably not a viable option (not to mention they age you out at 29, which is like less than six months away somehow). And seeing as how I'm not borderline homeless-looking (the guy in this photo is wayyyyy too clean cut to be a legit sign spinner) and not in possession of huge gigantic headphones to set my sign-spinning grooove to, I felt like I had no options whatsoever.
The Big T not calling me back seemed too ridiculous, though. I debated calling my former boss and asking her to talk to so-and-so, but that felt like calling my dad for a job favor at age 22 because I didn't want to put any work into it on my own. So one Friday, after dropping Bug at school and running in PB, I sat in my car, driver door swung open, sun shade still up, and dialed the store. While I was waiting to be connected to the HR, I watched the blue-haired ladies shuffle in and out of the post office and stare at me like I was some kind of blue-haired-lady stalker (maybe I was?).
Long story short, I finally got ahold of the HR at the store. She seemed genuinely excited to hear that I was interested in a position, and told me that my application was automatically rejected when I had applied a few months prior because of my availability (I had indicated I could work until 11 p.m., knowing the store closed at 11 p.m., but here's where it gets a bit eye-roll-y: they were technically hiring for seasonal positions, and during the fourth quarter the store is open until midnight, so they would need someone who could work later. I found this utterly ridiculous. I could work until midnight. I could work until 2 a.m. if they needed me to. Basically, make one completely innocent and unbeknownst wrong move on one of those stupid online applications and their algorithm is going to kick you to the curb.)
We arranged for me to come in for an interview with one of the logistics team leads on the following Monday.
Monday comes, it's 85+ degrees outside, and I have a sweating problem. But I still put on a wool-blend pencil skirt, shirt and cardigan. I felt utterly ridiculous walking into the store at 5:30 at night dressed like I was (heels, too, which I haven't touched in a long, long time) and asking to speak with a team lead, who I assumed would be all of 20 if I rounded up.
It took TWENTY MINUTES for them to track down the guy who was supposed to be interviewing me. Thank god my cardigan was black and you could not see the sweat pouring from my armpits as I stood, awkwardly, at Guest Service, holding my notebook stuffed with the resumes I knew I wouldn't need. Having that much time to stand there and think about what was actually happening was torturous. How did this power switch happen so quickly? I used to walk in a store and every single Exec would be on alert because "HQ was here." I don't mean to sound too ridiculous, because I did voluntarily resign (and then moved out of state, got hired at another job, and then voluntarily resigned from that job) so it's not like anyone was forcing me to do this, but it still felt wrong.
He finally showed up. I under-estimated; he was probably 24 or 25. He was very nice. We made some small talk on our way up to the offices on the second level of the store. He informed me that the store A/C was on the fritz, so upstairs was warm. I hoped he couldn't see how I had soaked the paper in my hands. On top of that (no pun intended) I towered over him in my shoes, and now wished I would have just worn flats.
He led me to an office and then... disappeared. A steady stream of team members walked by the open office and were clearly caught off guard by the non-red and khaki person sitting in the office (at 6 at night). I read every single Great Team Card posted around the office, twice, and then three more times after that. Seeing all of the Logistics training manuals on the bookshelf made me sad, again. I think at one point I wrote or contributed to almost all of the information in there. I refused to take out my cell phone to pass the time, because I didn't want to look like "that person" if he all of a sudden walked in.
I think I sat there for another 15 minutes. It was clear that if he actually was notified that I was coming, he wasn't prepared. He finally came back with an interview guide, and I asked him what HR had told him about me. "Just that HQ had recommended you?" was his response.
"Umm, sort of," I said. "I actually used to work at HQ." I then went into my shpiel about backroom processes and blah blah blah. It's an interview, right? I mean, if you can't do a good job talking about yourself, then who can you talk about?
He seemed impressed with the knowledge that I had, and we went through the interview packet as a formality. He then went to see if HR was there to do the second interview right then (which is what she (HR) had told me on the phone would happen). A solid ten minutes later he came back into the office and said she "had to go home unexpectedly." Hmm. But he was very sweet, shook my hand, and told me that HR should be in contact with me in a few days to schedule my second interview (you need an official second interview to continue on, etc). I thanked him and tried not to burst into tears on my way out of the office.
To make up for it, I tried to go shopping in the adjacent mall, but was disgusted at myself when I looked in the mirror and saw that I had sweat stains visible on my blouse under my boobs (in addition to the arms and the small of my back). Why do I get so worked up about this shit? Is there a medication for sweating? Bah. I went home, empty-handed.
I waited four business days before I called her back. I apparently had quite the knack of calling whenever she wasn't in the building. I left four separate messages over the following three weeks. Nothing. I debated saying screw it all, and giving up. WHY AM I INCAPABLE OF GETTING A JOB THAT DOESN'T ACTUALLY REQUIRE A DEGREE?
I finally decided to call ONE last time, this past Thursday. And somehow, I got through to her when I called. She apologized for not calling me back, and asked if I could come in Monday (yesterday) for a second interview. Since Matt was off yesterday, I said it would be fine. We scheduled it for 11:30.
Yesterday I still took Bug to Strides, even though I knew it was borderline ridiculous to take a workout class that only sometimes ended on time at 10:30, drive home, shower, change into an outfit that flattered in that moment (you know, sometimes it takes two or three... or twelve), put on makeup and then make it to the store by 11:30.
I did it, though! And silently prayed I wouldn't be interviewed by a woman who might be more aware of my half-assed, ten minute hair drying/style.
When I got there, I was supposed to report right to the training room. Even though I walked in at 11:30 on the dot, there were three other people sitting in there, watching a video (I distracted myself from the ridiculousness of the propaganda video by counting how many people I recognized pretending to be store team members). It seemed strange to me -- I asked the girl who was manning the DVD remote if this is where I should be, and she said yes.
The video finished, and a woman walked into the room wearing a red blazer. I assumed she was the HR I had spoken to on the phone, and she whispered to the remote girl, "who is the new person in the room?"
Then I guess it clicked in her head and she walked over and said hello to me. Then she said to me, "Oh, right. OK. Let me see who I have on my grid who might be available to talk to you." I was incredulous. Did you not schedule a second interview with me for 11:30 a.m. on Monday? Why are you going to see if you might have someone available? I get that this is your "mass interview" time, but WTF is this? Either you are prepared to see me, or you're not. I debated leaving, but I just smiled at her and said, "sure, no problem," and sat back down. I mean, I put on a pair of dress pants for this. I might as well see it through.
The other three people in the room were methodically called back and then dismissed until it was just me. I was finally called back to speak with another Exec. She was nice enough, and we went through another interview packet. She grilled me on my availability again, and then went to talk with HR. A few minutes later, HR comes back and says, "we need you to fill out another application. Because the last one you filled out was too long ago [May], I can't access any of your information." I'm hoping I can just use one of the computers in an empty office, but no, she asks me to go downstairs and use the kiosk at the front of the store. Inside, I am exploding.
I head downstairs, and when I am sure that I am out of ear shot of anyone who would recognize me, I call Matt. I'm literally spit-whispering onto the already disgusting keyboard about what a cluster-fuck this has been (and how the obvious lack of pre-work on their part -- no, that's too generous -- their complete failure to remember they scheduled me to come in for a second time -- is particularly insulting) as I go through and enter all of my information again.
I finish and head back upstairs. Apparently one of the assessments that I took as part of the original online application was saved, but there was a second one she needed me to take. It was full of basic math problems, but I tell you, I have not been tasked mathematically outside of "I have four dollars in my pocket. Will that buy a latte for me and a cookie for Bug?" in a long time. But it wasn't terrible. I finished and handed it back to her and watched her enter in my answers.
Then she asked me to come back into her office with her. We chatted briefly. She told me that she'd like to hire me on as a backroom team member. Finally. She told me that they weren't allowed to give "experience pay" to regular hourly team members. I asked her what experience pay would amount to at the team lead level, which requires full time hours. What she told me was not worth it to put in full time hours. We're continuing to chat, she's telling me if I ever do want to become a team lead, I should let her know, and then she actually says to me, "Wait, do you have a college degree?"
I am stunned into silence. I historically do not have a very good face filter, but I hope that I am not looking too incredulous at this moment.
"Yes," I say. "I do." Did she really just ask me that? I'm not sure what should have been the first hint. My past work experience? The way I carry myself? THE INFORMATION ON THE APPLICATION THAT YOU HAD ME FILL OUT A SECOND TIME??
She then says, "well why are you wasting time with a team lead? You should be an Exec!" I won't say that I wouldn't ever be an Exec, because "ever" is a long, long time, but it's not exactly first or second or fifteenth on my list. I know what Execs go through. I know the RIDICULOUS hours they put in. I tell her I may consider it in the future, but not right now.
I'm asked to fill out holiday availability, and I say "yes" to everything. We are not traveling anywhere any time soon (it's like $700 per person to fly back to MPLS within two weeks of Christmas... no) and I especially like to claim my Jewish heritage when it comes to working on holidays like Christmas Eve. We review my availability again (closing shifts after 5 p.m. during the week, after 3 p.m. on Saturdays, whenever on Sundays) and I'm given paperwork for the drug test that I will need to complete in the next 24 hours.
She says that she will be in contact with me to schedule my orientation after my drug test results come in, and I leave.
Today after I dropped Bug off I went for the drug test, which somehow, luckily enough, is only a few miles from her school. I screwed up and flushed the toilet before the technician could check it (I'm sorry, flushing happens by habit) and was worried he was going to tell me I'd have to re-do it. But he said it was OK (whew!). It was super weird watching a portly man in his early thirties pour your (fresh, warm) tinkle into several containers while standing in a dimly-lit hallway waiting for permission to wash your hands.
Then I went for a run, bought myself a pity Starbucks (within reason -- I opted for the smaller, Grande size, and went with the drip coffee so I could use the $2 I found while doing laundry last night) before mistakenly going to Road Runner. I know I hate that store, so why do I go?? I should have just gone to the REI across the street, which I did, but with only fifteen minutes before I had to leave to pick up Bug (fifteen minutes is never enough time to spend in REI, even if you are on a mission to only purchase gels and Clif bars, which of course I was not). If there was a candle (hey, Scentsy!) marked as "REI Store" I would totally buy eleven.
I picked her up, she napped, Matt got home early, we went to the mall to return the cookie press we bought from Crate and Barrel that failed miserably, and I started eyeballing red shirts like I used to always do in Minneapolis. I figure at least working only in the backroom I don't need to worry about buying dress khakis, and will probably be able to get away with tennis shoes and a cotton t-shirt. YESSSS.
Then we went to Trader Joe's (we're probably there every other day). I'm getting pretty hooked on this Instagram thing (follow us @lilgingerbug). The iPhone camera doesn't compare to the DSLR, but it is fun to think more about what to capture with the phone, and it's much more portable:
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This picture almost makes me forget how she managed to knock Basie's completely full water bowl all over the floor (I swear from how long it took me to clean up, and where I'm still finding water, it apparently holds three gallons), then knock her own water cup all over the table, twice. And how Matt spilled tomato sauce all over his sweatshirt (I'm terrible at stains) and forgot to turn off the 450 degree oven for like a half an hour after he took the pizza out. Almost.
Tomorrow we go back to ophthalmology to talk Seriously about Bug's potential surgery. I should have bought more beer at Trader Joe's tonight. I'm about to go bust into the Halloween candy I swore I wouldn't eat because I'm so anxious. Hoo-ah.
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