The dog rolled in poop last night, too

All of this happened before 8:00:

• Matt went back to work
• She woke up after he left
• She refused to open her eyes
• She had a fit on the couch during Eye Negotiations and kicked hot coffee all over both of us
• I screamed at her so loud, if the neighbors weren't vacuuming at the time, I'm sure they'd have called the police
• She finally opened her eyes, and STILL got to have her pacifier upstairs, because I'm a fucking pushover
• Her one eye is considerably more swollen than the other, making it more squinty and infinitely more painful looking, even though she's not complaining
• I've cried like four different times

We're going to try running to the "monkey bars" playground.  This is a huge risk, because it's about 4.5 miles away (one way) so if we lose our minds, it will be a solid 35 minutes before we could get back home.  Lest you think I'm THAT stupid, the playground is right next to our favorite bread place, a Trader Joe's, and a chocolate shop (among many other things).  And Matt's supposed to meet us there later with the car because he's all, "You don't need to run nine miles today."  So only like 59% stupid.