Try Again

Tried work again today. I didn't cry while at work today, so I suppose we can call it a successful day. I think people notice the size of your belly more when you're gone for 3-4 week increments.

I say at work, since I only cried on the way to work. I got up this morning in what I thought was enough time, but apparently being pregnant means it takes longer. Matt was going to drive me to the bus stop this morning, which meant I had to catch the 7:15. Our clocks seem to be off from when I last went to work regularly, because when we got in the car and I saw the time on the dash I knew I had already missed the bus. The fact that no one was at the bus stop (and I could see it five blocks up) sort of solidified this.

I was mad at myself for being late, and knew that I had to stand and wait another ten minutes for the next bus. I stormed out of the car and walked into the bus shelter and promptly started crying. I've given up on trying to give reasons or explanations for the tears. Matt pulls the car around, gets out, and says, "just drop me off and drive to work today." I say no, continue to pout, and he says, nicely, "just get in the car." So I did.

It was weird to be back again. It's really hard to leave and come back and then leave again (and come back again). A lot of people were surprised to see me, and a lot of people still had no idea why they hadn't seen me in a month. I generally just wanted to be home for most of the morning. I feel really guilty about the people who have had to pick up more things while I've been out. They've been really great and I feel lucky, but still very guilty. And uncertain about the future. I don't feel like my job in and of itself is in jeopardy, but I highly doubt I will have my own project before the baby comes. The practical, completely non-emotional part of me understands why, but it still really sucks. Without a project I feel like I sort of just take up space in the row. Pout. Pout. Pout.

Bug was a bit more subdued today while I was at work. Maybe just overwhelmed with all the new sounds, and Mom moving around constantly all day. Basie was also a busy man today while I was gone - he ate the ENTIRE bottle of body oil from the bedside table. It says "100% natural" on the bottle, but also says "not tested on animals" which has a whole new meaning when your dog eats all of it. I have no idea how he managed to get it off the table and chew off the cap without spilling a SINGLE DROP anywhere. He's still alive (this should make me feel better?), although his coughs are now lemon-scented. I hope we don't get the poopies all over the house. Gross.

Let's just cross everything we can that Spot doesn't return tomorrow.