Ants creep me out. Seriously.

Snow snow snow! Once again, they are acting like the world is ending because, gasp, it's going to snow in Minnesota, in November.

We're all just a bunch of pansies because it's been so unbelievably warm up until now. Don't get me wrong, I'm not excited, but winter for me is like peeling off a band-aid. Just hurry up and get cold already so I can adjust.

Bug turned 7 months old this week which is pretty much crazy. She is so big, I'm almost certain we are legally not supposed to be in our current car seat any more. Her head is literally almost level with the top of the seat.

Because she physically looks so big it's hard for me not to subconsciously expect so many more things out of her. When we're at music class and we stand her up she's the same height as some of the kids who walk over to her to say hello. WHY AREN'T YOU WALKING YET. Which is utterly ridiculous for so many reasons, perhaps the most important of which is that we have not figured out how (or maybe we just don't care to) sit completely unsupported for longer than two minutes. Oh, and the fact that she's also only 7 months old.

So much of what we've been through has forced me to just try and function at the "get through the day" level, but to the point that I feel like I can't see the forest through the trees (I don't even know if that makes sense in this context, but we'll keep it anyway). I don't feel like I have taken enough time to step back and enjoy moments with her. I try, and then I fail. Repeatedly.

I was trying to think about why I felt so weird saying that she's seven months old, and why when I look at her I don't feel that way. Some of it is the idiocy of trying to compare her to other children, which I need to stop doing. The other part of me thought that maybe when she got "a little older" her eyes would get better, and she'd stop acting so creepy when she gets tired (Matt says I need to stop calling her creepy, but it truly creeps me out, so that's what I keep saying). Neither of those things have happened, really.

We go back to the neurologist on Thursday. I called in a panic last week and they didn't seem to hold the same level of concern that I did (i.e. did not think that we needed to be seen in the next five minutes like I was convinced we would). It did sign us up for an overnight EEG, though. In theory this appointment should have happened before this Thursday's appointment, but the stupid bitch at the appointment desk gave that time to someone else when she couldn't reach me on the HOME number DURING THE DAY when I AM AT WORK even after I explicitly gave her my cell phone. So now we don't go until the 23rd.

Our appointment with the eye specialist at the U is not until December. I wish that I wasn't still left with more questions than answers. I have convinced myself that I would stop feeling like she wasn't 'normal' if I just knew what was going on. Matt and I have discussed this more than once. It's almost harder to be in this no man's land. She is clearly not 100% without issue, but she is also clearly not 100% with issue. She is growing and developing as she should, which is really good. But something is still not right. I'm not convinced we are going to figure anything out any time soon.

I love her more than anything on the whole entire planet. I just have to stop looking at other babies and think to myself, "I wish I had that." Mother of The Year.



I'm not real sure how the peas got in her neck, but I will take personal responsibility for the ones up her nose.



This face just gets me, all the time.



What is "sitting still"? Check out my fancy new shoes!