Couch surfing

I dislike the part about being a mom where you can't ever really relax. I had my hair done yesterday, which was phenomenal, but as the time ticked on, I couldn't help but be anxious about the fact that I wasn't home yet. I am constantly worried that I am somehow imposing on whoever is watching her, even if that person is my own mother. I wish I could just enjoy my time away.

She might say that I gave it to her, and I might say that she gave it to me, but either way, both Bug and I are sick right now. So far it just seems to be copious amounts of green boogers on her. For me it's the same boogers, in addition to the disappearance of whatever patience I once possessed. During the day, she constantly rotates through the names that she knows: Mimi, Beau Beau, Sam. And when I say constant, I mean constant, and usually while we're driving and I have no escape:

Her: "Mimi?"

Me: "She's at work."

"Mimi?"

"She's at work."

"Beau Beau?"

"He's at work."

"Sam (sounds like "saaaahm")?"

"He's at work."

"Basie?"

"He's at home."

"Mimi?"

"She's at work."

(repeat seven times)

"Mimi?"

"BUG, she's AT WORK. REMEMBER?"

"Remember? Mimi?"

"She's at work."

I want to yell at her to SHUT THE HELL UP ALREADY but the second I do that the second she starts throwing shit in the backseat and whacking herself in the head trying to claw out her ponytail. Calm me = surprisingly calm baby, but it's so hard to stay calm. SHUT. UP.

Last night she woke up at 3:30. She wasn't feverish, just a blocked nose. I made the mistake of picking her up (c'mon, self, you KNOW BETTER) and she refused to go back in her crib. So she fell asleep on me (OK, so I enjoyed it a bit, considering she never cuddles, ever) and put her back into her crib. I went back downstairs to my couch, and twenty minutes later she's up again. I go back upstairs and pick her up and lay down with her again on the couch in her room hoping she'll fall asleep again like last time. No, now she has demands. She wants the door open, she wants to go downstairs, she wants to know where Beau Beau, Mimi and Sam are. I tell her she can go ni-ni in her crib or on mom. She chooses on mom. Which is fine, except that 30 seconds after we lay down there is a finger in my eye and a small voice whispering "eye." And then that same finger is in my other eye and the voice says, "more eye." Yes, it is kind of funny, but not appropriate for 3:30 in the morning. We do more of this back and forth. She asks me to help her with her boogers (AMAZING to have her ill, but able to talk!) so I do that, and we try again. This time she lays still for just long enough for me to think that she's asleep before she pokes my nose. "Nose. Mama boogers."

Then the dog walks in the room (I am seriously going to kill him. No, seriously.) and that gets her going as well. "Basie! Basie! DOWN (as in writhing out of my arms to get down onto the floor)." At this point it's 4:20, and I'm thisclose to just walking downstairs and turning on the TV.

I decide instead to put her back (screaming) in her crib just to see if I could maybe get some sleep myself.

I usually set a time limit of 10 minutes of crying before I go in to check. She cried for like 9 minutes and 45 seconds. I tip-toed back downstairs and tried to fall back asleep. She slept in until like 7:30, and was rarin' to go this morning. I don't think toddlers are actually human.

There is a kitchen full of mess from dinner, but I just don't want to. If I don't see it, it doesn't exist, right?